For sheshe....Part I

Thank for your many comments Lil' Sheila! Yes, indeedy, I have some info on Scorpio....this one's for you birthday girl! Just remember, this is from the dark side of the zodiac...

Scorpio -- Let the Games Begin

Element: Water. Scorpio Water is a bottomless, roiling paradox. Fall in without protective armor and you'll come out a skeleton.
Quality: Fixed. Scorpios never forget, forgive, or let go.
Symbol: Scorpion. Just as its crusty little namesake, the human version will destroy itself trying to get revenge.
Ruler: Pluto and Mars. Suspicious hothead. Compulsive-obsessive two-timer.
Favorite Pastime: Plotting their next move.
Favorite Book: The Klingon Guide to Mercy.
Role Model: The Masked Avenger.
Dream Job: Judge, jury, and lord high executioner.
Key Phrase: "I'll get you for that."
Body Part: Sex organs. Terminal case of the seven-year itch. Scratches frequently.

Approach with Caution: Scorpio lives in the House of Death, Sex and Other People's Possessions. Conventional astrology describes Scorpio as an intense, mysterious, sensual creature blessed with the gift of regeneration, like Phoenix rising from its ashes. Make that Dracula rising from the coffin. Rotten Scorpios are obsessed, stealthy, corporal control freaks....Wooden stakes, holy water, or a stretch in the pen - nothing can harm Scorpio but Scorpio iteself. Scorpo's favorite game is Kangaroo Court. They subscribe to the Salem witch trial version of justice. Die and you're innocent. Live and you're guilty. Feel free to ignore yours as you would a petulant teenager. He or she will bite his or her own foot awhile, then curl up in the nearest dark corner and go to sleep. Scorpios are extreme, not rational. They view life as either black or white and rarely compromise. Being born with the all-or-nothing gene has voided their ability to form lasting relationships with anyone who refuses to submit to their control. Argue with one, and you suffer a verbal beating that makes you wish they had slugged you instead. Prove your point, and they will give themselves an ulcer trying to get even.

If You Love a Scorpio Woman: There is nothing superficial about a female Scorpio. She is a woman of total confidence and grace. Her style is all classic chic, her manner friendly but reserved. She expects you to be strong, courageous, and ambitious. She is psychically astute and can sense the subtlest of changes in your mood, and pinpoint the cause, with the skill of a trained psychoanalyst. The rotten part is that Ms. Scorpio graduated from the Hannibal Lecter School of Therapy. She dispenses her opinions in a way that crushes your ego and destroys your pride in one fell swoop, much like chopping off your finger to cure a hangnail. She fears nothing, questions everything, and will go to the ends of the earh for a friend or lover. She could read the Bible to the Devil and make him listen.

All Scorpio women instinctively know that the fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage. Home may be your torture chamber, but it's her sanctuary. Don't ever betray this woman. Don't threaten her or in any way endanger her security. And for God's sake, don't publicly humiliate her. There are women scorned and then there are Scorpio women scorned, and a betrayed female Scorpion is like Lady Macbeth on crack.

She's so politically astute, she can isntantly analyze a room full of your peers and tell you exactly who will help further your ambitions and whom to avoid. In fact, she will manipulate both you and your career so skillfully you'll think you ended up as chairman of the board all by yourself. Not so. The female Scorpion craves power as much as her male counterpart and usually has a hidden agenda of her own. She will not hesitate to help you achieve your goals so she can achieve hers. Just as Bill Clinton.

She is also sullen, congenitally depressed, and has a penchant for staring into space for so long you'll think she's catatonic. She is as cagey and manipulating as her sister Water signs, Pisces and Cancer. She lives for scandal and can often be found at public executions or reading trashy tabloids. Romantically her sexuality is sensual and her desire is to merge with a man who is her equal. The trouble is she never considers any man her equal. She will try to make you her doormat and, when you are face down in the mud, tap dance on your back in her red stilettos. With a Scorpio woman, the best way to keep your love new is to give her a fresh coat of varnish once a month and keep her out of direct sunlight.

(to be continued)