a rutted path through the woods...

I was a bit of a doormat in elementary and junior high school. I was not even close to being called outgoing. They even had me in a speech class in elementary, in which I rarely ever spoke. Maybe it was a result of being an only child until I was eight. I don't know. I was always so desparate to please my classmates because I didn't want to lose friends, so I tended to get taken advantage of frequently. They would ask "a favor" and I would say yes. Who cares if it means I'm up late working on basketball posters or helping with homework? That so-called friend would get a good score or praise for a job well done. I never complained though. I was such a quiet kid. The boys would do their usual torture to make the girls scream but they finally stopped egging me because I never gave into them. It was probably the better tactic because they would have a close friend of mine in tears as a result of their harassment. They always laughed and cheered when she finally broke down and screamed at them. I thought she was weak and crazy to give in to their shenanigans. However, as I got older my doormat ways were broken by intermittant displays of a backbone.

I remember the first time I dared to go against the wishes of a "friend". It was in high school because I recall having my driver's license. She asked us to come over for a slumber party for her birthday, but she wanted to stay in the her grandparents' treehouse out in the woods. (She was a very aggressive, Type-A personality so we hardly ever said no to her.) Picture this...seven girls, traipsing through the woods on an invisible path only the birthday girl could see, crossing a tree log that bridged a small creek while carrying sleeping bags, snacks, lanterns, and etc. It's a wonder one of us didn't fall off and break a limb. When we finally reach the treehouse, we climb up and cram ourselves into a space smaller than a prison cell, all with the idea of having a girls' night out like we used to do as kids. It was uncomfortable and cold, nothing sentimental or rosy about it! At midnight, the birthday girl and her best friend leave to go grab some more goodies from the local gas station....an hour goes by....and another....finally, after having endured the constant bitching and moaning coming from the other girls, I said very disgustedly "That's it. I'm going home. If she can't even stay out here with us for her own birthday thing, then we don't have to stay here without her." I proceeded to load up my stuff and exited the treehouse. My best friend came with me. Then the rest decided they were going to leave also. Now you have five girls, wandering around a strange woods, looking for a way out in the pitch black middle-of-the-night dark....yeah. We wandered for awhile, silent except for the occasional scream when someone stepped on a stick and thought it was a snake, nervous laughter as their eyes scanned the trees for shadowy movements, all while squinting to find the way out. All I could think about was that we came from a general direction...let's go back that direction and we'll find the path. The woods weren't THAT big. Eventually I saw a path and started walking away, but it was toward a yawning black area underneath the tree canopy. The other girls didn't think it was the right way, but I knew better. Several of these girls were "townies" and couldn't tell that the path I saw can only be made with a vehicle. As if common sense weren't enough to tell them that (parallel tracks for tires)! Please. I was headed that way, they could either come with me or continue to wander around. It wasn't as dark as they thought it would be in that area and they soon saw what I did - the tree log that crossed the creek. We all made it back to our cars at a quick pace and headed home. I took my best friend with me to my house. By the time we got there, it was starting to get light outside with the approaching dawn. I made hot chocolate and grilled cheese sandwiches to warm us up and then we snuggled up in blankets to go to sleep when I suddenly heard pounding at the door. Lo and behold...it was the birthday girl begging us to go back to the treehouse so she wouldn't get into trouble. Hell no. I told her we had all left and we weren't going back. She left, I shut the door, and felt darn proud of myself!

Last year I mentioned to coworker that I've always been quiet and shy. She laughed, really hard, and said she would never describe me as quiet OR shy. I actually felt offended at first and then I had to reconsider. I'm not the same person I used to be. I just wish I had found that backbone much earlier. Oh well. You can't change what has already occurred. You can only change what will occur in the future. :)