Biological Parents
I've been spending the morning catching up on my friend Ed Abbey's blog posts and one really struck me as needing commentary. On December 22, he wrote about his biological father, whom he has never met and never desires to meet. I completely understand this because, I, too was adopted by my stepfather when still a baby. I've come to the same realizations as he has...I have a father who has always been at my side, who has cared for me when I was sick, who was there for my life's milestones and who would do anything for me if I needed it. Despite the lack of blood ties, he is my father and the one who will always by my "Dad". Why would I seek out a man who has never cared about me, never attempted any contact, or otherwise acknowledged my existence? Do I hate him? No. His willingness to sever his parental ties allowed me to have a childhood without being torn between multiple households. Does he owe me an apology? No, but he certainly owes my mother one.
My mother is an incredibly strong woman. At seventeen, she had dropped out of high school to have me and then, within a very short time after my birth, she was abandoned by her "husband" and left with a baby to take care of while not having a high school diploma to provide a good job. So, despite the obstacles that was in her way, she moved in with her parents and went back to high school, completing all of her graduation requirements in one semester to graduate with her class. She remarried a few years later and had two more children. She delayed her dreams of college for more than 20 years while caring for us. When people say I'm a lot like my mother, I take it as a compliment!
I have great parents, I certainly don't need to seek out my biological father. I know he has other children and I sometimes wonder if they know I exist, but in the end it doesn't matter. If they should ever seek me out, I'll meet them, but I won't initiate a meeting. Unfortunately, however, I can't disregard medical history. It is from that genetic source that my insulin resistance comes and my risk of developing diabetes is also a legacy from the unknown side of my genetic code. But, there are worse things that could be a part of it and I'll happily stay ignorant of anything more...just in case. ;)
3 comments:
Just wanted to clarify things just a little. I knew my biological father up until age six. The memories are faint but they are still there. Still, like you, I think it was the best having a clean split to allow my current dad to be just that to me, a dad. I am content with the memories that remain.
P.S. I now finally get your Momaday email having gone back and re-read my post where I quoted him. It was actually a quote from another book I am reading by William Least-Heat Moon entitled "Prarie Eryth." I have never read any Momaday but I think I might have to now.
Re: P.S. -- I think you'd enjoy Momaday and some of the other Native American essays on the earth both in the physical and spiritual sense. The Way to Rainy Mountain is a small, awkwardly sized book full of short poetic pieces (if I'm recalling it correctly). I actually have the book, but haven't cracked the cover since the N. Scott Momaday & Leslie Marmon Silko class I took in college!
William Least-Heat Moon is part Indian and is an excellent writer. His book "Blue Highways" is perhaps one of the best books about driving around the country that I have ever read. and "River Horse" is also very good. "Prarie Eryth" which I am reading now is good but it is definitely a lot heavier reading material than his other two. I don't know if you are into a lot of non-fiction but you might want to check out one of his books. He lives in Jefferson City so he is from our neck of the woods.
Post a Comment