Self-reflections...

I'm in a reflective mood today...self-reflective. I get into these moods occasionally where I try to look inwards more than outwards to figure out just what exactly I'm feeling about a subject or even multiple subjects.

I had an epiphany while on the way back from the Grand Canyon yesterday (I'll blog about that later), and as soon as it struck, all my tension and stress about a situation I've been "chewing on" since last week just slipped away. Now I'm left with reflecting on how to handle it over the next six months, as well as if I even want to handle it anymore. I don't take a lot of risks in my life. The time for that has long since passed, but if something is worth the effort and worth the risk, then I will gather my courage to pursue it. I'm 30 years old and I don't have the time to play games with life.

It's amazing how much a person matures in their late twenties. At 27, I was still a kid; at 28, I had learned a few things and was learning even more, but had started down that path to self-knowledge; at 29, I was halfway down that path; and at 30, I have the tools to figure out what I want in life and my enthusiasm and tendencies to jump in without thinking are tempered by the knowledge that all decisions must play out in steps and the better prepared and thought-out a decision is, the happier you will be with whatever outcome occurs.

I haven't made the decision to move to Phoenix lightly. I'm very close to my family and I know what sacrifices I'm making in order to pursue a future for myself - both emotionally and professionally. Iowa has very little to offer me right now, and I'm becoming increasingly unhappy with my life there. My only salvation there is my family, whom I will miss very much. In Iowa, my priorities are family, myself and then work. In Phoenix, my priorities will remain the same, but they will shift a bit in that I won't be able to drive to my parents' house for dinner in 40 minutes, so I'll have to focus more on communcations by phone and email. I won't have a house to renovate and explore creative outlets, but I will have personal development and possibly a return to graduate school to pursue. I will, of course, have to work, and I always want to due the best job possible no matter where I'm at. That certainly won't change.