A kick in the pants...

Today I face the realization that I am not as young as I used to be and I can't keep the same hours that didn't faze me in the past. I'm on my third day following a night with less than five-hours of sleep. I'm lightheaded, my eyes keep drifting shut and I'm so tired I can barely walk straight. It's a good thing I didn't drive to work today. I probably would cause an accident.

As you can probably tell, I'm kicking myself...and drinking coffee for an additional kick in the pants. I imagine you're thinking "but she's addicted to Starbucks, how can coffee help if she's used to it?" Well, I had actually weaned myself off of caffeine following my six-month binge addiction to Starbucks and pepsi. I feel a lot better but I do occasionally indulge in an iced mocha melt or other tasty creation. It's only when I'm desparate that I drink the office coffee like today.

The other reason I kick myself is due to what happens to my personality when exhausted. I've lost my humor today. My normal Pollyanna-like cheerfulness is missing and it's very noticeable. I'm even finding it hard to laugh, which is something I make certain to do everyday. (In my yearly performance evaluation a few weeks ago, my supervisor even thanked me for making efforts to keep office morale up through use of humor in light of all the changes we've gone through in the past four years. I tried to tell her that I do it for me, not the office....some of my coworkers can become real grumps on a daily basis!) Anyhoo, my conclusion is this: I can't stay up late like this every night and still function in my job. I feel awful.

Of course, there's been a lot of drama lately that has been sucking the energy out of me. My sister calls me often when problems come up in her life. There's been drama with my brother and his recently-broken relationship with a gf, drama with my coworkers and the office reorganization, with friends both near and far, and then RuneScape drama. It makes me want to draw a protective circle around me and snarl "Stay on your own side of the line! I have my own drama to deal with..." Ok, ok...not really a lot lately (except for RuneScape). ;) Otherwise my most pressing problem is deciding which night to mow the lawn and to remember to water my recently planted perennials more often....

Hey look, a wink...I think the coffee is kicking in... I need another cup though before my mind will begin to function.