Family

NOTE: This post will probably upset several individuals but it's not to be helped. I could choose to not post it, but that would only contribute to the building of my frustration and anger that I speak of later in the post, and of which this entire entry is a direct result.

There are times...sometimes frequently throughout the year, sometimes only occasionally...where I'd really like to smack some family around and ask them what the hell they think they are doing.

On the one side, I have a set of grandparents who avoid their children and grandchildren to the point where they'll die and all we'll be able to talk about is how we barely knew them. I saw my grandfather this past summer but haven't seen my grandmother in several years and have only received one letter from her in that same amount of time. Angry at my aunt for attempting to have a family dinner while she was visiting, my grandmother packed up in a huff and disappeared, presumably back to Oklahoma. She apparently forbade my grandfather to attend because he chose to eat pizza at the gas station while family had turkey and the trimmings. I had had other plans but tried to adjust them to allow me to drive a considerably long distance to attend, but fate decreed otherwise and I was unable to make it. I'm rather grateful to fate at the moment and have decided to never again attempt to rearrange my schedule for their visits. It is quite obvious they have no desire to see us.

On that same side of the family, I have a family member taking classes on how to be a psychic because the one she has been seeing for years (something I didn't know about until this past summer) has told her she has "the gift". I kept an open mind, didn't discourage but didn't encourage either because all I could think of was that this psychic was exploiting this particular family member's weakness for feeling lost in the world. Following these developments, said family member has stopped talking to most of her family and, indeed, sailed past me at Thanksgiving as if I didn't exist. The psychic has told her that various family members are "evil" so I have to wonder if she isn't being influenced from that arena.

On the other side, we have an individual's significant other (S.O.) dragging family members into the middle of relationship issues when, personally, it is none of our business. If there is to be an understanding of feelings regarding the length of their relationship to-date and the expectations for the future, then both parties need to have a little chat. No more of this calling other family members and ranting about whether or not your S.O. will be popping the question anytime soon. How the hell would we know? I refuse to get involved. I respect my family member's right (and ability) to be the driver of his own life without external pressure from people who should not be involved.

I try to stay on middle ground with regards to family, but it isn't always possible. When in doubt I will always side with my blood relatives over a significant other. That doesn't always happen in my family and it has had the result of pushing people away and making them feel unwanted. Many feelings are hurt without much effort to talk it out.

I think one of the biggest obstacles in my family is the inability or unwillingness to communicate. My sister and I have discussed previously that this phenomenon is because our family is not the kind to rant, rave, or confront others. We are a group who have been raised to avoid confrontation whenever possible but it has the unfortunate consequence of leaving loose ends and a building of frustration or anger. (Incidentally, it's not as if our parents intentionally raised us to be non-confrontational, it was an environmental thing in the entire extended family that is just learned by growing up in it.) My sister broke free of that restraint a long time ago by necessity and I'm very proud of her ability to stand up for herself. My brother's a pretty quiet soul but will get growly if he can't do things at his own pace and by his own choice.

Personally, most would say I'm a fairly calm person but in recent years I've let myself show more of my true feelings on matters without thought to later confrontations. If others can no longer say I'm calm all the time, I hope they can at least say that I'm fair when stating an opinion on an issue. However, it's a "no holds barred" situation with my siblings. I'm guaranteed to get growly when my my siblings are being threatened or otherwise bothered. LOL.

Okay, I'm done venting for now.