New troubled thoughts...

If it's not one thing it's another. My maternal grandfather had a stroke a few weeks ago. It's been a dramatic affair with family members accusing other family members of causing the stroke (which my mother has stayed out of and which I've avoided like the plague). However, it seemed he was going to be just fine, with only some speaking difficulties that would be taken care of by physical therapy. Then we got word that he'd been admitted to the hospital again. *sigh* I should mention that I hadn't made it up the first time because it was the same weekend that we had started tearing off shingles from the house. After that weekend they started talking about transferring him to a stroke rehabilitation center and I bided my time until a decision had been reached. (No use getting time off of work if he wasn't going to be there.) Finally, he was released to go home so I knew he was on the mend and just let things be.

Now I'm thinking that I should go visit and so will take a day off of work this week, already approved by all individuals, to accompany my mother. It's not that I think he's on death row. My great-grandmother (his mother) had several strokes in life before passing away at 83. But, I don't want to take the chance that something could happen and not have made an effort to visit. Some of you may be wondering why I'm even questioning a visit. You have to understand that my maternal grandparents haven't been a large part of the lives of myself and my siblings. My maternal relatives can be...distant...at times and there are a lot of individual idiosyncracies involved that just make everyone...well...weird. We have a strange family on my mother's side. I once joked that we're your average American dysfunctional family which made my mother giggle but her sisters didn't find it to be as entertaining. (Really guys, the ability to laugh at yourself is a very important skill to have.)

Anyhow, despite their absence in our lives, I, more than my sibs, have spent the most time with my grandparents, although their involvement in my life was predominantly during my childhood. (Their youngest child - my uncle - is actually 5 or 6 months younger than I am, so we were playmates as children.) I guess I have more memories to reflect on and a greater sense of loss should I not make this attempt. I'm hoping his recovery improves and that he can go home again soon.
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In a recent posting by Ed Abbey, he mentioned that he had visited an aunt and grandmother from his biological father's side. He continued his post with debates of whether or not he would ever seek out his biological father and I had left a comment expressing similar decisions as his. I, too, have a biological father "out there" (I tend to refer to him as The Sperm Donor (TSD)). I, too, had decided that there is no need to seek him out. I have a father, my "Dad", a man who was willing and able to do what TSD couldn't and I have no need of another person attempting to be a father when he has no right to that role. The only value I could ever see in a communication with that portion of my past is information on geneaology and health issues of the family. Come on, if I'm at risk for some weird disease, I'd like to know about it. This would be the only reason I would ever contact TSD, but I haven't done so yet and likely never will.

However, it was this exact issue that came up in conversation with my grandmother (Dad's side) this past weekend. My grandmother brought it up because her neighbor is somewhat familiar with TSD's family and I have now learned, to my great dismay, that a large percentage of that family is diabetic. So if I weren't already at high risk for diabetes with my insulin-resistance and etc, then I'm triply so now. Grrrr. I confess that panic is a great motivator. I'll be calling the local gyms to get membership rates and I now eye the food offerings in the cafeteria at work with an eagle eye towards a balanced meal and going easy on the carbs. No more 3:00 p.m. freshly-baked cookies for me, except as a rare treat. Show me to the salad bar and oh, hold the bun, please.