Everything's just batty....

Okay, I thought everyone needed a laugh because it's Monday, so I'm listing here my great bat adventure story. Feel free to laugh as much as you want because this was quite entertaining to myself! The really funny thing is that I'd do it the same way all over again in order to achieve the goal. This is very typical of the things I get myself into. My family has already decided this is one for the family history chronicles. Enjoy!
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Journal Entry: The Great Bat Adventure
Date: August 2003
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I'm tired....very tired. I was finally able to crawl into bed at 1:00 am last night. After a conversation with my mother, I finished watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and cleaned up my vat of chili. It was 11:00 pm before it was
finally cool enough to put in the fridge/freezer without melting the containers. I was just climbing into bed when I realized I hadn't seen Maia the Mischievous Cat in over an hour and it was VERY quiet upstairs. This usually means shes
into something she shouldn't be in, so I went to investigate. I found Maia lying on the floor panting and meowing at the ceiling. This meow is usually indicative that there's something on the wall or ceiling that she wants to catch but is unable to reach it. I assumed it was a spider or etc -- wrong! To my dismay and horror it was a bat. Never having seen a bat except on the Discover Channel or Animal Planet, I was at a loss as how to deal with it. So, we developed Plan A - Maia will catch the bat with my assistance. I moved her eight-foot climbing post close to the bat and let her go to work. She failed miserably in her first opportunity at hunting. She walks up and says "Meow!", causing it to fly around the room in search for safer ground. *sigh* Go to Plan B: I got online and went to AskJeeves.com to ask the magic question "How do I catch a bat?" After filtering through many websites for baseball, I finally find one that's topic related. I followed the instructions given: chirp to bat in high pitched clicking sounds (this calms it apparently. Personally I think it's confused and wondering what the hell kind of creature is approaching it.), turn off the lights to orient that bat to darkness then turn on the lights to temporarily blind it while immediately covering it with a bowl (if on low spot) or with a net (if in high spot). Not having a net, I improvised by duct taping the biggest mixing bowl I have to the end of a broom. Attempt successful. Next delimma: sliding bowl trap down the wall until I can reach it and thus slide the lid under the edge, all without releasing the bat. Attempt successful. Next delimma:
Navigating the stairwell with a giant bowl duct taped to the end of a broom without releasing the bat. It was difficult because the stick portion of the broom kept banging against the wall and the curve at the landing nearly did me in, but I wasn't about to let that thing out again. As I exited the stairwell the bat I had a quick chat regarding human space vs. bat space, how I appreciated its effort at catching mosquitos but I really hoped we wouldn't be meeting again. I didn't want to kill it...I just didn't want it in my house! Once I released it outside, it flew away.

Afterwards I checked all the windows for cracks, checked the closet ceilings for holes to the attic and finally concluded it must have come through the crack in false ceiling tiles in that room (where there had been water damage). I put duct tape over the crack just in case. I need to put duct tape on my shopping list though. You never know when you'll need to make a bat-bowl trap and I used up all my silver tape while making it. I only have fire-engine red tape left. A coworker was told that if you put out bat houses, the bats will stay out of your house. If this is true, I'll build a bat Marriott and wish them all luck. Maybe they'll clean up all my skeeters.

I bet the neighbors think I'm an oddball. Last evening also witnessed me kicking a box down the drive way to put out with recycling. It had a giant venomous web-spider in there and I didn't want to get bit, so I kicked it. If there hadn't been holes in the sides where the cardboard doesn't quite meet, and therefore an escape route for a vengeful spider, I would have carried it (it was a xerox box).

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October 2004: I was discussing the building of bat houses with a coworker this morning. She thought a bat would look at my house in comparison and think "Ooooh! Look at that high-rise! I wanna live there!". I replied..."hmm. I suppose it would be a palace." We both started laughing and she said "I've seen the Queen! She's nice!"

We have too much fun at work.