Citizen's Arrest
I've noticed an appalling new trend in lawn ornamentation over the past few years. Tasteful and traditional Christmas lights have given way to lighted animals with moving body parts and 8-foot tall blow-up figures (motorized and filled with air to keep them upright). I admit that the lighted animals aren't too bad if there are only a few, but I've seen some lawns that appear to be petting zoo of brightly lit figures. Rather than fences of posts and wires, you have rows of lighted candy canes to guide your way through the obstacle course. I do like the candy canes lining the sidewalks, but please.... it can be overdone. Even the most staunchest of Griswold's would have to admit that there are homeowners who go beyond tasteful. Now, whoever created those 8-foot figures should be drawn and quartered. It almost galls me to admit that I do think the grinch one is kinda cute, but I would never buy one for my yard. I think they look tacky. Not to mention they can be expensive. My neighbors have three of them and every year the cops have to come over because some kid cut the wire on the motor, which ruins the figure. I think they are currently running at $50 per figure for replacing. Insane. Think of the number of children you could sponsor for the Salvation Army with that $50.
So, in true Barney Five style, I've decided we need to implement Citizen's Arrest for those we deem in violation of excessive lawn ornamentation. This isn't limited to just Christmas as Easter finds the yards of some chronic offenders full of 8-foot bunnies and easter eggs. Now to create the Miranda rights for this offense....
2 comments:
I have not one but two interesting points to make regarding these lawn ornaments:
1) My sister is working her way, quickly, to becoming one of these crazies that triples their electric bill each Christmas. She doesn't even own a home, yet, but that doesn't stop her from stocking up on lawn ornaments every Christmas. There are already several waiting for their turn in the grass, just chillin' in storage. Look out!
2) My mother received one of the most obnoxious gifts I've ever seen, today for a Hanukkah gift. It's an ornament, and I'm not sure if it's meant for the indoors or the outdoors. It's a lit suguaro cactus. It's gotta be the most tacky thing I've seen in at least three Christmases. My mother, when she saw the picture on the box, was praying that there was something else inside. Unfortunately, what you see is what you get. She's already considering re-gifting the thing. My opinion is that it's not even worth that, unless you're re-gifting to your worst enemy.
You have a right to not try and out do the Jones. You have a right to not put up a seven foot inflatable decoration in your yard. You have a right to not keep your neighbors up at night with the million candle power glow from your yard. You have a right to enjoy enjoy the true meaning of Christmas.
Hillarious.
By the way, do they make silencers for BB guns. Seems to me they would be the safest way to take care of excess inflatable ornamentation (EIO).
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