Troubled thoughts...the continuing saga...

It's been a few weeks since I posted but they've been busy weeks...full of home repairs (shingling, painting, yadda yadda). I've also taken a step back from the crisis my friends are going through so that I can look at it from a fresh perspective and try to approach the situation as I would want to be approached if I was wobbling on that thin edge of hitting bottom. I've been in the position of feeling massive amounts of stress and absolute hopelessness of getting out of it. Although my stress certainly wasn't a failing marriage, I can recall that the last thing I wanted at that time was to receive a bunch of phone calls or persistent calling on a daily basis to check on me. I appreciate distance and seek "alone time" when extremely troubled so I respect my friends when they're stressed and troubled by not calling them daily. I'll leave a cheery voicemail once a week or so and offer to be available by phone if they want to talk. I try very hard not to judge their decisions because I feel it's not my place to judge someone else's life choices (unless it's destructive tendencies like drug use, then it's a no holds barried situation).

Anyhow, in the course of a week, not only have a I spoken to the friend whose marriage is barely holding together, but I've spoken to yet another friend having a relationship crisis. Sheesh! I told my mother that I don't need my own relationship when I've got friends to help get through their relationships. LOL. I think she despairs of ever getting a son-in-law.

Back to topic..... So, one friend has fallen in love with a married man (who also has children). She is breaking off communication with this man because she doesn't want to be a family breaker-upper and respects his devotion to his kids, even if his own marriage isn't ideal. It's a line she will not cross. I know it's a painful decision for her and I have to give her kudos for making it! My other friend, whose marriage is failing, is coping better but the outcome of her marriage is still uncertain. She says she's tired of receiving advice and opinions, which hopefully don't include mine -- I've tried not to give any!! (Other than one outburst calling her spouse a nasty name -- you'll have to forgive me on that because I was shocked over his confession to his wife and just reacted naturally.) I told her last night that I'm not happy at what he's done but I would support her decisions whatever they may be -- marriage counseling, divorce, trial separation, whatever. She doesn't have much support from her family. In fact, she's currently not on speaking terms with her parents because of their disapproval over her not immediately booting her husband out the door. I've always thought her parents were rather...reactive...but this just tops it. At a time when a daughter needs her mother and father's support the most, she was told to not call them. What a crock! I offered to share my mother with her instead and also theorized that maybe her own mother reacted out of hurt at being asked to not involve herself in the marriage problems. I know if I was having problems of any kind, my mother would want to ride to the rescue and fix everything...or as she says "put on her butt-kicking boots". :) Ha!

It's a difficult time for all but hopefully my friends can stick it out while keeping their sanity intact!